A few years ago, I’d been working extremely hard to secure a position I really wanted. I demonstrated my expertise, I completed the pre-requisites, I put in the time and I gave it my all. Many of my peers made it very clear that I would be unable to secure this position and it would be even less possible for me to do so in another company. Months went by, I was passed over all while trying to remain optimistic.
Then it finally happened for me. I secured the role I longed for outside of the organization. When my boss broke the news, many comments were:
“How did she get that job”, “what qualifies her” “she must know somebody”- you see where I am going with this.
I heard the chatter and to a degree I was stunned. Stunned that folks were not happy for me, stunned that the comments were so dismissive to the work I had done and just stunned that folks would be so vocal about their feelings. But as you all know, I seem to find the lesson in everything- so here’s what I learned.
Good, bad or indifferent, people will always have an opinion about you. We have to stop expecting people to celebrate us and learn to celebrate ourselves. Whatever accomplishment you’ve achieved- it’s yours now. Don’t get discouraged by the noise in the background of folks who won’t celebrate you.
Appreciate the support
It’s common to unconsciously seek validation from those who never supported you. Often times the folks who are questioning how you have what you have; are generally not the folks that supported you along the way to get it. So why does their opinions, comments or thoughts matter anyway? Don’t get so caught up in the negative commentary. Instead, extend your energy toward those who have been supportive of you and your aspirations. They are the true teammates and among those who you should celebrate with.
Leave the “Why’s” alone
When Simon Sinek wrote “Start with why” he didn’t mean to start questioning- “why would they say those things about me” or “why can’t they just be happy for me”. Those are the why’s we will never understand. I mean let’s face it, most times the folks who are making those comments don’t even understand why. Leave the whys where they are and focus on the value you plan to add on your next journey.
Joel Osteen put it this way.
“When nobody else celebrates you, learn to celebrate yourself. When nobody else compliments you, then compliment yourself. It’s not up to other people to keep you encouraged. It’s up to you. Encouragement should come from the inside.”
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