We worry about trust, but allow other people’s expectations get in the way of being who we want to be.
During the workshop I mentioned previously, we conducted a guided meditation to help participants reconnect with critical moments of their lives. And realized what drives the fear of being criticized by those who know them well.
Throughout life, our parents, teachers, bosses, friends — even those who bullied us— have tried to define who we are. Or should be.
Other people’s expectations derail us. By trying to fulfill those, we lose clarity and focus.
You never know how people will react to the real you. But it’s better to be rejected than hiding your true self.
5. Trust yourself, and the rest will take care of
“Trust yourself; you know more than you think you do.” — Benjamin Spock
In the end, it’s all about you.
Follow your instincts. When you feel confident about your identity, everything feels natural. You take full responsibility for your life’s choices and behaviors, rather than caring about what other people might think.
The less you care about being judged, the less you will be. Gossipers and critics enjoy seeing their victims suffer.
When you become immune to their attacks, they’ll look for easier targets.
6. Trust is fluid, not rigid
“The tree that bends doesn’t break.” — Japanese Proverb
When we project a sense of trust in others, we expect them to live up to our expectations. When they don’t do so — which is more often than not — we feel betrayed.
If we apply a black or white approach, when someone makes a mistake our trust vanishes.
Trust can be bent, it can be broken and most of all it can be rebuilt.
Leave room for understanding, forgiveness, and learning.
7. Only you can rebuild trust
“The stupid neither forgive nor forget; the naïve forgive and forget; the wise forgive but do not forget.” — Thomas Szasz
Coaching teams, they ask me this question very often: “can trust be rebuilt? Or, once it’s lost, is it gone for ever?”
If you Google ‘Trust’ quotes, most are filled with anger. As I mentioned before, a black or white approach. I personally advise you not to fall in the resentment trap.
I lost trust in people and many lost trust in me. Most of those relationships never recovered. But, luckily, many were.
Trust can be gone. But it shouldn’t always be lost forever.
Yes, trust can be rebuilt but, most importantly, it becomes stronger than it ever was.
“To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was you.” — Lewis Smedes
Rebuilding trust depends on you. Go back to point number one: Take the first step.
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