Questions To Ask When You’re Resisting Change

“Twenty years from now, you will be more disappointed by the things you didn’t do than those you did. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from safe harbour. Catch the wind in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.” Mark Twain.

With a big sigh, a lovely client recently asked me how she could possibly look forward to yet another upheaval in her life.

We’d been discussing her upcoming move to the other side of the world.

With young children in tow, an Executive husband often absent on overseas business travel, a busy home and her part time work, it did indeed seem like a tall order.

A life on the oceans’ waves

How does change hit us?

Well, sometimes? You’ll be coasting along just fine until that day; the defining one that makes you realise something needs to give. When you feel a deep seated need to move on and shake things up. You might have a boss you can’t see eye to eye with, or an urge to hone a skill or turn a hobby into a small enterprise.

At other times, change comes about as a simple fact of life. You get transferred to another office. You lose a parent. You fall pregnant and realise that beach holiday booked for Ibiza in six months is looking unlikely.

How about those occasional life events that happen out of the blue, and knock the wind out of your sails? I’m talking about redundancy, an accident or severe ill health for example?

Frequently, change drops into our laps when life already feels full to bursting point – as in the case of my lovely client. Just when you feel as though one more responsibility, one more demand on your time will simply tip you over the edge.

But guess what’s common to all life changing events? The really positive, good news? It’s the absolute certainty that whenever life shifts a little – or a lot – you will eventually adjust and carry on. You will cope. You will grow from that experience. You will be proud of yourself!

This is what we so often forget – the beautiful, soothing rhythm of life.

Sometimes it’s not so much about emotional or physical overwhelm when change and the prospect of personal upheaval is on the cards. It can be much more about doubting our own capabilities. Do you sometimes feel fearful of what’s around the corner?

Whilst some people seem to have the knack of embracing everything new that comes their way, others amongst us need a bit more encouragement.

“What if I’m not up to it? What if it all goes wrong?”

Well, if you’re in that camp –  doubting your ability to change and adapt to new circumstances, or maybe even resisting it? – here’s what to do;

Ask yourself these great little questions;

“How will I know what I’m capable of if I don’t push the boundaries a bit? Shake it up?”

“Will I really be happy doing the same thing in the same place with the same people 5, 10 – 20 years down the line?”

“What’s lying on the other side of my resistance to change and grow from this?”

“What am I missing out on?”

(Just picture all the crazy, positive, life enhancing stuff you could be enjoying as a result of it?)

“Am I allowing some deep seated limiting beliefs or fears to hold me back?”

“Am I forgetting all the great new connections change will bring?”

Connections as in the new people who will enhance and enrich your life in ways you can’t perhaps imagine right now.


Try to avoid viewing change as something negative. Will there be upheaval? Yes. All change requires some effort. Will there be a period of re-adjustment? There will. Will the dust settle, and life assume a new rhythm? Of course!

Whether you’re changing continents, careers or to a home in a new town. Whether you’re re-adjusting to a solo life, or to life with another….maybe you plan to sell up and work with elephants in Africa? Whatever life has in store for you, it willunfold as it should – of this you can be sure.

One day you’ll look up and be thankful that you made that bold, brave move, and for all the new possibilities, expanded horizons and new opportunities that change has brought into your life.

So, go on….sail away from that safe harbour.

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