Every year millions of people are diagnosed with Terrible Personality Disorder but nobody wants to talk about it. Even the DSM-5 has not yet classified it as a legitimate personality disorder despite the disease’s prevalence in society. TPD has been unfairly delegitimized while those who suffer from it are oblivious to their condition and the suffering they inflict on others.
If you are not familiar with this personality disorder, it’s because I made it up. There are a lot of personality traits that have no official classification but are just as difficult to work with as those that do (like Narcissism for instance).
Some of the traits I’m referring to are the following:
Oblivious to social cues, like talking your ear off and not seeing the lobotomized look on your face
Loud talking in an area where others are concentrating
Insistence on being right
Being the authority on everything that has ever happened or will happen
Complaining ad nauseam
The need to explain themselves when there’s no reason to
Using long-winded analogies for easily understood concepts
This is only a partial list of the criteria that comprises TPD, but no matter the trait, they all share one thing in common: there is an overwhelming need to be HEARD, which points to deeply rooted insecurity. It’s not your responsibility to uncover the cause of their insecurity or to be its depository.
So, let’s talk about how to deal with TPD in the workplace…
1.Don’t become their victim- whether it be through having to patiently listen to them, endure their obliviousness, or take the high road to avoid unnecessary conflict. That victimhood can easily turn into resentment if left unchecked, which is why…
2.It’s important to be patient and have compassion for their plight. Unless you’re dealing with a psychopath, those with TPD don’t realize they’re victimizing you; they’re simply living their lives (while making it harder for you to live yours). There could be trauma behind their obliviousness, their need to be heard, to be right, to win, be first, to get their words into your ears. Something or someone, somewhere, at some time, negatively affected them and now it’s stealing your life force. So we need not be mean or rude, but….
3.It’s OK to ask for space.You don’t have to do this rudely or meanly. If you have work to do, somewhere else to be, or simply don’t want your life back, you can politely say, “I’m so sorry, I have to get back to something I was working on/dealing with/in the middle of.” And on that note…
4.Don’t throw yourself into the fray. There’s no harm in avoiding someone when you don’t have the time or energy to spend dealing with their personality. We sometimes let ourselves be enveloped out of compassion, but what about compassion for yourself and your needs? They will drain you to the point where you’re a deflated balloon, and then you have nothing left for work, and it’s only one o’clock. If possible, move to an area that’s more secluded, which falls under the umbrella of…
5.Focus on what you can control. There is a Buddhist proverb that goes something like since you can’t cover the earth in leather [to make it more comfortable to walk on], you cover your feet in leather. The point is just as astute as it is obvious: start with yourself. One way is to…
6.Set boundaries.Make it known that for certain periods of the day you do not have the time to deal with anything but that which you are working on. If they truly need to be heard, have them…
7.Email. This puts the power back in your hands. You can respond when you have time.
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